Talk To Myself
by The Jam Man
Summary: Confused and vaguely creeped out by the existence of a female version of himself living within the very same mansion he now calls home, Robin takes up the noble task of consciously avoiding her. But, when she calls him out on it, Robin discovers that having someone who thinks and acts just like you is actually pretty friggen fun. Especially when getting people married is involved.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Just a fun fanfic about the chaos that would ensue if the two Robins met. First fanfic on this site, so I beg of you, be gentle. Also, I warn you, there are SPOILERS FOR FIRE EMBLEM: AWAKENING in here. **

Robin glanced up stealthily from his tome. He caught just a glimpse of her, that was all he needed. His eyes flitted back to his book. He coughed discreetly. Rubbed his nose as if it was an absent habit instead of a nervous one. He scanned the pages, though he hadn't been focusing on them. He was waiting for an opportunity, a time when it'd be inconspicuous to- Robin saw her turn her head out of the corner of his eye, obviously fixated on something in the distance. This was his chance! His gaze whipped from his tome, and lingered just long enough for him to get a clear view of the woman seated at the table. Her back was to him, that was true, but he could see the long pale locks that swam down her back and spilled over the collar of her cloak. He could see the folds of said cloak, thick and dim, and the mark of Grima running down its sides. Her head was turned, and he caught her profile, dark eyes and a curious gaze. Just like him. It was all just like him. Robin meant to turn back to his tome, he really did, but he wasn't fast enough, and the lady turned around in a rush, smirking triumphantly as she caught his eyes on her.

"Gotcha!" She exclaimed, her face flushing in pride. Robin felt his own cheeks pinken, and he chuckled embarrassedly. Dang it, how'd she catch him?

"Eheh-" Robin chuckled embarrassedly again, though this one was far more strained, and he barely managed to choke it out under her gaze. At this, the young woman sighed, pressing her fingers to her forehead as if she had a headache. "Look, Robin," His name felt odd on her lips, unnatural, and Robin winced when she said it. She continued still. "I know this is…...weird." She bit her lip, and offered a few spare glances around herself. "But we can't keep avoiding each other for the rest of eternity." And Robin knew full well she was right. It was irrational to think he could pull off such a feat, but, then again, he'd been no stranger to incredible feats before. Still, even the fabled tactician himself couldn't avoid a single girl forever, and that was due to one simple fact. They were the same person.

"I-I'm very sorry, milady." Robin stuttered, bowing his head to avoid her gaze. The other huffed.

"C'mon. We-" She searched for the right words to define this. She could hardly find them. "We're, uh, we're no different than anyone else here. W-we should try to be friends." Did she really think that? He faced the girl, finally, and saw her smile was just as strained as his laughs. It wasn't her fault, he decided, that she was him. It wasn't her fault they'd even met. They'd both been invited to this, fighting tournament of sorts, of mystery and wonderment and more worlds than they could count with their hands, and both knew it'd be odd, but neither anticipated each other. Yet, here was a girl who embodied his good and his bad, a girl who was, is, and always will be him.

They were the same person, he'd been told. "Both of you," Master Hand'd began, shifting about awkwardly. "Occupy the same…...role, I suppose, in your respective worlds. Your alignment, cosmically, is identical." The Hand said with a lofty gesture. Robin'd felt his throat tighten that day. The girl'd been standing beside him, and she audibly gasped. "You mean we're-" She'd began, but the Hand cut her off. "You inhabit universes parallel to each other. Both are virtually identical, save for one little thing. You. Or, you two. Robin plays the defining role in his own universe. And," The Hand'd gestured to the girl. "Robin plays the defining role in her own universe. You two are one and the same." And that was how he'd found out. He'd been shocked, of course he'd been shocked, that was a given, it should be, shouldn't it? It seemed impossible, the existence of another him, without his consent or his notice, no less! Robin felt himself shiver. Another him, oh, that was rich. He'd vaguely wondered how she felt about all of this, but, found himself pushing the thought out of his brain as quickly as it'd entered. W-who cared what she thought? He was his own man. His thoughts were his own, not to be influenced, or…..thought(?) by anyone else. He was himself and that was all there was to it. He could feel himself unraveling, getting more unnerved by the minute, and with an awkward excuse that he can't remember now he'd bolted for the door.

From then on, the man had been steadily avoiding his alternate self as much as humanly possible. He'd rush for the bathroom whenever she got remotely close to him, despite 88% of the time not even having to use it. When he'd be matched up against her during the tournament, he'd made a conscious effort to jump off the side of the stage in increasingly stylish manners. He'd rather do this than face down…...himself in the battlefield. And, now, here she was, calling him out on his fear, and staring at him earnestly. It was here he realized, that he'd been cowardly. For, Robin'd almost laughed, when he realized how silly it seemed. Breaking his back to avoid ONE girl? She was a human being after all. Just like him. And, as odd as it'd been, their simultaneous existence, he didn't have any right to treat her like less than one.

"You're right." Robin told her, bowing his head in shame. Though he would digress, they were nothing like anything else at the mansion. Still, if she would have him, he'd give…...himself a chance. Gods, this was confusing. Robin grinded his teeth. His other self sighed in relief.

"Excellent." She mused, her hands settling down on her knees. Robin offered another awkward laugh. The woman, the other Robin returned the gesture. The silence between them quickly became strained. The male, at first wondering when she'd speak again, then worrying she'd expected him to, then wondering what he could say to an alternate version of himself. He wondered if her thoughts were identical to his, and this, once again creeped him out. He was his own person, right? Then WHY was there another him? It was terrifying, and unnatural, and he couldn't help but be reminded of his alternate self from the future, the one that desired only to fuse with Grima. To spread terror over an innocent world, it was disgusting. Robin'd decided then, when his other self bid him to join his revelry, to join the fell dragon himself, that he was his own man. No future, no past, no father, and no alternate version of himself could drive him from his own decisions. Robin was himself, and that was it. This was the reason he'd avoided his…...girl self, in the first place. She complicated his preordained will, added to a baffling equation an infuriating variable. Did she think like he did? Did she experience all he did? Was she Grima as well? Did she know a female Chrom or something? Whenever he so much as glanced in her direction, all these questions raced through his mind. And he'd only just realized, through those earnest eyes, she was human as well. That perhaps she was as lost and confused as he was. So he parted with his thoughts, if only for a minute, and made casual conversation.

"So," He rose from his abrupt seating on the couch, crossed the room to close the space between them. "A-are you a tactician as well?" It was a weak attempt, that was for sure, but she seemed to appreciate him trying.

"Indeed." Female Robin replied, tucking a strand of pale hair behind her ear. "And I assume you worked with Chrom and The Shepherds?" The former Robin asked, to which the latter nodded. Robin bit his lip. So, she'd worked with The Shepherds. She was more like him than he thought. Master Hand wasn't lying, that was certain. He put a hand to his chin. Perhaps he could force some information out of her. After all, the concept of an alternate universe was entirely interesting, he wouldn't deny that. He got a strange thought. If she was him…...Robin felt a grin spread on his face. He forgot his misgivings for one simple moment, and turned to Female Robin with finality. "Robin, I've got an interesting question for you…." He began, eyes glimmering fitfully. The girl smiled. "Ask away, me."

In a few minutes, the sound of Female Robin's riotous laughter echoed throughout the mansion. "Robiinnn!" Her male self scolded, blushing frantically as he tried to quiet her.

"Ahahahhaha! I-I'm sorry! It's just-pffffffffft!" She made a rather unflattering noise, as she resumed her giggles. The Male Robin facepalmed. "It's honestly not that funny." He mused, putting a gentle hand to her mouth. "Now, stop. PLEASE." She did as told, though was quick to pry Robin's hand from her face. "Sorry, sorry. But, really! You made Henry marry OLIVIA?" The girl raised a prying eyebrow, leaning in a touch closer. "O-of course I did!" Robin defended, crossing his arms thusly. "They're a perfect couple! Stop laughing!" Robin felt a blush rise to his cheeks, though a small smile pulled at his lips. "Oh Gods, how did that even happen? Aha!" The girl giggled, clutching her sides irrefutably. "You'd be surprised, Robin, how well they got along. I can think of no one more perfect for Henry than Olivia. And vice-versa." The male explained calmly, holding up his finger matter-of-factly. Female Robin drummed her fingers on the table. "Still seems weird to me." She mused. "Though, I can see where you're coming from." That, Robin decided, was good enough. He'd decided, on a whim, that there was one thing that would be certain between their universes; that they'd both made conscious efforts to marry the Shepherds off to one another. Robin'd felt guilty about it at first, only to decide it was too much fun to stop doing. Almost every tactical decision, when not of world-shattering importance, was influenced by his desire to bring two Shepherds closer together, and it would actually be quite typical for them to get married a few days after he'd began his revelry. He'd had no doubts his other self had done the same, thought it seemed her….choices on who to get married to each other varied drastically from his own ones. And now he was in the awkward, yet strangely amusing position of defending his romantic decisions…...from his other self. And, of course, calling her out on the ludicrous decisions she'd made herself. "Hey, it's better than pairing Henry with Maribelle." He teased, elbowing his other lightly. "UHHHHH, NOPE!" The other Robin erupted, a maniacal smirk apparent on her face as they waged all-out shipping war. "Not to mention the fact that you paired Ricken with Nowi." The male continued on, a competitive gleam sparking in his eyes. "That was adorable." The other countered calmly, the smirk still stretching across her face. "I shouldn't have to defend myself, considering you paired her with Vaike." At his female counterpart's words, Robin went red to his ears. "Th-that was beautiful. No one can convince me anything otherwise." He declared, as his female raised a questioning eyebrow. "A bit creepy, isn't it?" She asked, seeing him struggle. "N-not at all! True love destroys all age barriers!" Came the male's answer. They stared each other down for a few tense seconds. Then, they both broke into light laughs, which turned hysterical for the girl, as she banged her fist on the table in her revelry. "What are you-?" Robin asked, watching amusedly as his counterpart in hysterics picked herself up. "I-it's just, funny, ya know? I never expected myself to be such a cool guy." The girl said, and that earnest look shown in her eyes once more. "Why, thank you." Robin was truly touched, as he'd actually begun to feel the same way. As odd as it was, he had a surprising amount of fun that day….talking to himself. "Hey, why are you thanking me? I was complimenting myself!" The female exclaimed, to which the male replied sarcastically. "Clever, Robin." She laughed at in her maniacal way at her own joke. For a good 30 seconds straight. And when she'd finally calmed down, they only resumed their battle. "Haha, whew. I'm sorry. Ok, who'd you pair Kellam with?" She managed.

"Simple, Miriel."

"Huh so did I."

They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment. The male Robin shrugged.

"Well, I'm glad you did one thing right." He told the female, to which she let loose an indignant, "Hey!". Miraculously, they remained that way well into the night, telling stories of their two worlds hanging parallel, of the strangers they'd come to regard as family, and most importantly, their romantic exploits. This persisted, until the female got a miraculous idea.

"Hey! Since we got every Shepherd married, why don't we get everyone in the Smash Mansion married as well!" She exclaimed. Her eyes shown mischievously, and a look of pure, terrifying determination graced her features. The male Robin snorted. "You mean pair up legendary heroes from different dimensions solely for our own personal amusement?" He questioned with a laugh, as the female Robin gave a simple nod. "...I like it." At his answer she pounded her fist into her palm with a riotous "So it's settled then!" They were to ignite their horrifying and undoubtedly turmoilous plan early the next morning, and with that, they bid each other a good-night and set off their respective rooms. Robin lay awake in his bed for a while that night. He nursed a small smile as he drifted off to sleep. She was a strange girl, that was for sure. But he figured, he liked that about himself.


	2. Chapter 2

** AN: First off, I'd like to thank you guys for all of the reviews/favs/follows you've given this story! It means a lot to me, and I'm touched you people are liking this story so far. I've put replies to individual reviews in the AN at the end, so take a peek if you're interested. Anyway, here's Chapter 2. Enjoy!**

The two Robins stared each other down from across the kitchen table. Wordlessly, they each reached within the haphazard folds of their cloaks and produced a notebook. These bore the fateful words, "My Otps" in a flowery scrawl, and were customarily very pink. The male, despite his past misgivings, nodded thusly. And they opened their notebooks. Upon these wondrous pages was each Robin's life work, years worth of romantic conquests and endeavors. It was an art form, pairing off their army's members, and each had conjured charts and lists and the occasional equation of all sorts in the hopes of achieving romantic perfection. As Robin leafed through for a fresh page, he spared a few spare glances at his partner's notebooks, noting dully that her handwriting was identical to his. Her pairings, though, were far from identical, and he grimaced as he caught offbeat sight of some of her…..decisions. He vaguely wondered why this was, as, if they were each other, shouldn't they make the same decisions. Since they didn't, perhaps their every thoughts were not the same, though Robin couldn't decide if this was comforting or more confusing. Nevertheless, he came to a fresh page in his notebook, and took up a quill with which to author fate. The female did the same. Firstly, they listed the names of every Smasher in the mansion, men on the left, women on the right. It was only then that they spoke.

"So, who needs a lover here?" His counterpart mused, running her finger down her list contemplatively. Robin thought for a minute.

"Zelda?" He offered. The other Robin nodded. "Good idea! She's far too quiet. I fear she's nursing far too many troubles. We need someone who can help her open up, someone to keep her safe." She said dutifully, circling Zelda's name and looking closely at the male names. The male, however, had a flawless idea. "Link." He said with a smile. "Definitely Link." He expected the female to nod in agreement, to grin cheekily and circle his name, but instead, she looked at him, horrified. "Are you daft? Of course not!" She shouted, rapping Robin lightly with the tip of her quill. His jaw dropped. "No, I'm not daft! I'm a genius!" He defended, quirking an eyebrow incredulously. "What's wrong with Zelda and LInk?" At his question, the female huffed. "Everything." Came a simple reply. "As if that clears things up…." The tactician pouted, quickly directing an expectant glare towards his female counterpart. The girl inhaled deeply. "Link and Zelda…..honestly, Robin, I expected better from me!" She muttered to herself, while Robin remained confused and quite offended. "Has it evaded you that Link has rescued Zelda in their every reincarnation? That HE'S been the one protecting her since the beginning of time?" Robin trilled indignantly. "Robin, we've a whole mansion full of heroes to work with. Mind you, from dozens of different dimensions. Why pursue a pairing as painfully obvious as Link and Zelda, when we have the opportunity to make things far more interesting?" As she spoke, the girl squared at him squarely, her eyes daggers. "Fair point. Though, obvious isn't always BAD." The male replied, and the female took this as her cue to voice her own ships. "How about Zelda with Marth?" She offered, eyes sparkling in triumph. "By Naga, I've done it! I've created a flawless couple!" She was rather quick to add. Robin gawked again. "The princess of Hyrule and the Hero King?" He questioned, to which she nodded eagerly. "Yes! Envision it! They're both of royal blood. They've both endured so much strife, fought so hard for their countries." Robin spoke of her ship as if it were the most amazing tale ever thought of. The male Robin didn't share her enthusiasm. "True, but….." His concerns were interrupted by the female. "Trust me, Robin. I know what I'm doing here." She said conclusively, with a final wave of her hand. Robin shrugged. "Alright…..let's do it." The man said, circling Zelda and Marth's name in his OTP book. The girl whooped grandly, and followed suite. They promptly closed their books and got up. But, before they left the room to pursue their hapless, unfortunate little targets, they shared a single moment. The female nodded to Robin, and with a shrug, he nodded back. With riotous passion, they proclaimed it, " Time to tip the scales of romance!"

Despite their expertise in their field, this field being the Art of Romantic Warfare,the Robins quickly found that things would not be as easy as they thought initially. For, today, their brilliant strategy of making people fight together didn't work. For, they weren't tacticians over the Smashers, and, even if they'd attempted to make the two fight alongside one another, it would probably key them off to their…..intentions. So, the two put their genius to work in thinking of a workaround solution to their problem.

"We could make a love potion!" Female Robin suggested gleefully. The male stared at her.

"How are you even me?" He questioned aloud, settling his chin atop his hands in the deepest of contemplation. "I hear Lady Palutena has a talent for brewing them! Perhaps she'd help us." She continued, ignoring him utterly. Was she honestly willing to use a potion of all things to make two people fall in love? He was afraid so, as she seemed completely serious. "As brilliant of an idea as that is," Robin tried sarcastically. "Let's think rationally for a second. How do you make two people fall in love, besides making them fight for each other's lives? You set them up. On a date." At his words, the female shrugged. "Huh. 'Suppose you're right." She quipped. "But how do we make them agree to it? They don't seem very…..willing." The female tactician contemplated this, but Robin had an answer instantly. "Simple. We don't tell them it's a date."

Robin tried to walk up to Zelda as casually as he could.

"A fine morning to you, milady." He greeted simply, and she replied with a smile and a, "And to you as well."

She'd been roosting on the living room couch, nursing a novel and a cup of tea. Robin smiled, thanked her, and sat down beside her. He nursed a tome and a quill, solely to look busy.

"May I ask what you're reading?" Robin would pull a bait-and-switch. A small-talk-them then ask-them-out. Classic technique.

"Just a story Impa used to read to me when I was small." Zelda replied, a light blush dusting her cheeks. "It's sort of…...a fairy tale." She admitted. Robin flashed a warm smile. "There's no shame in reading them. I recall one from my own world that was very dear to my heart. I'd read it to ease my mind during the war." At his words, Zelda returned his smile. "R-really? If it would not trouble you, I'd love to hear it sometime." She replied. Robin smiled deviously, but turned to obscure it. "It'd be no trouble at all! In fact, it was about a light princess and a prince who slew dragons, and how they, though of different kingdoms, fell into the truest of loves and lived happily forever." The tactician said dreamily, quirking an eyebrow suggestively. Zelda, though she could have sworn the spark in his eyes was off puttingly gleeful, and the casual rise of his eyebrows seemed more than just a nervous habit, shrugged off her misgivings. For, one thing shocked her more than Robin's body language. "You're a fan of romantic stories, I gather?" She questioned, and Robin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Oh, I wouldn't say a 'fan'. I merely enjoy one now and then, it's not as if I'm obsessed with them. Haha." She could have sworn she saw sweat pouring down his face. "...Right." Zelda said, eyeing him as he laughed conspicuously. Though, as if to change the subject, Robin held a finger up as if an idea had hit him. "Oh! Right. I actually tracked you down this morning because I wished to talk with you about something." He said suddenly, and Zelda managed a suspicious little, "Yes?" Robin drew in a breath. Now or never. This had to work. "I've actually been awed by your prowess on the battlefield. I'm holding a strategy meet with much of the other veterans today. I'd like to discuss their techniques on the battlefield, in hope they could advice me. I'd be honored if…...you could come as well." Zelda softened at his words. So, that was what his trepidation had been about. He was nervous, and only seeked the advice of a veteran. "It would be a delight." She replied breezily, and Robin mentally cheered at her compliance. "R-really? Thank you, milady! It's an honor, really it is!" He gushed, and Zelda chuckled at his eagerness. It reminded her of herself, when she first entered the tournament. "Would you be able to meet me at the Smashville Cafe at 2:30, maybe? I've reserved a table for the meet at that time." Robin crossed his fingers beneath his sleeves. Luckily, Zelda agreed with a nod. "I would." She watched as a massive grin broke out on Robin's face. "Thank you, milady! See you soon!" And with that, still grinning border-line manically, she rose to his feet, and waved awkwardly as he left as fast he could. Zelda figured to ask more veterans to meet with him. She smiled. He seemed nice enough. She had no idea she'd just set her up on a blind date.

After things went smoothly with Zelda, Robin, after congratulating himself, dashed off to find Prince Marth. A winded Robin found him in the training arena, engaged in combat with the flawless King Dedede. The pompous penguin'd been chucking Gordos out of Naga-knows-where, when he caught sight of Robin. He jutted his hammer to the sky.

"Marth, pause the game!" He demanded, to which the prince furrowed his brow and muttered.

"Erhm, ok." Before trying to remain as still as remotley possible. "I detect presence among us! You!" And he pointed to Robin. "How dare you walk among royalty without applying for an audience! I ought to sick Waddle Dee on you for such a crime! And trust me, he possess not an ounce of mercy or remorse!" The king ranted.

"F-forgive me, oh mighty king?" Robin tried, and, to his elation, the king's gaze softened. "Very well. You are forgiven, but, do not tread lightly among my glorious presence! Speak your peace, and begone." King Dedede instructed, and Robin complied. "Many thanks, o great Dedede. I merely wish to speak with Prince Marth." He explained, and the king put a hand to his chin. "After I destroy him mercilessly!" Dedede decided, to which Marth piped up with an, "Erhm, need I remind you who won the last 3 brawls?" King Dedede tapped the butt of his hammer against the ground. "Silence! You're on pause!" Robin blinked awkwardly. He backed out slowly. "J-just tell me when you're done." That was odd. The last thing he heard was a mighty "Unpause'd!" He waited for awhile, peeking through the crack in the door to catch a glimpse of their fight. He absently wondered who he could pair Dedede up with. That was an odd question for sure.

A few tense moments passed, before he heard a mighty, "Peasant! You may enter!" At this, Robin edged into the doorframe. Dedede scowled, before announcing his leave, and demanding a rematch at high noon with Marth. When they were alone, the prince offered him an apologetic smile. "My apologies, sir. You wished to speak to me?" Here stood the legendary Hero King, who had saved the world many years ago. Whom the bards still sang of to this day, and the legends still told of fondly. And here Robin was, standing in his presence ,for the sole purpose of setting him up on a date. "Yes, milord." Robin relied immediately, vaguely aware of how weird this was. "I actually have a request of you, if it would not trouble you, milord." At his words, the hero laughed good-naturedly. "Not a problem. What do you need?" …..And he accepted just like that? No wonder Chrom was related to this guy. He practically radiated kindness. "I-I'm actually really nervous about this tournament." He replied, which wasn't entirely a lie. With all the legendary heroes here, Robin couldn't help but feel himself out of place. "That's only natural. I was as well, back in the Melee tournament. In fact, I'd be surprised if there was a person among all of us who hadn't been." Marth said briskly. "'Suppose you're right. Even so, I could really use some advice. I've arranged to meet with some veterans this afternoon, and I was hoping you could join us, that is if it would not trouble you." Robin made his offer. This was it. This had to work. "It'd be a pleasure." Came Marth's reply. Robin almost cheered. "R-really! T-thank you!" He stammered, as he could barely contain his excitement. Then he rememebred he hadn't even told him where to meet. "Could you meet us at the Smashville Cafe? At around 2:30?" Robin asked. And Marth confirmed with a nod. NOW, he'd done it. "Brilliant!" Robin grinned toothily, before hurriedly escorting himself out, a noticeable spring in his step. "I'll be seeing you!" And then he left. Marth sheathed his blade, lingered a bit before following him out. It was overwhelming, how the people of his world treated him as a hero, as a king. It made him wonder, what things were in his future, just what he'd go on to do. One thing was certain, though he did not know it yet. There would be an awkward date in his future.

As Robin bounded back to his quarters, congratulating himself on a job well done, he wondered vaguely how his female counterpart'd done at her assigned task.

"What do you mean you're overbooked?" Female Robin asked fervently. A cool-eyed pigeon stared at her from across the counter.

"Exactly what we said, madam. We're overbooked." He cooed, washing a mug absent-mindedly. "But, I've an important obligation, and I need to rent one of your tables for it!" She cried, but the pigeon didn't budge. "I can't help you." He said simply, setting the dried mug on the counter, and picking up a new mug. "You're really overbooked?" The tactician asked, knowing it was hopeless. The pigeon nodded slowly. "How could you be overbooked?" She saw his feathers ruffle in annoyance. "Madam, if you haven't noticed," He gestured to the lefternmost part of the Cafe. "We have ONE table." And it was true. For, even if the Cafe was outfitted with a healthy set of bar stools and stray chairs, there was only one table, that, miraculously, was reserved throughout the day at different intervals. "And I need that table." Robin said, with determination in her eyes. The bartender huffed. "Madam, please." His annoyance mounted steadily. "Could you atleast show me the reservations currently booked?" She asked, adopting a charming grin. He rummaged around the countertop, before handing her a strip of laminated paper. She scanned it thusly, until her eyes settled upon it. For, near the middle it read,

_" Dedede's Royal Brunch…Table…...11AM-12PM_

_Sir Ridlington the First….Table…...1 PM- 3PM_

_Gentlemen's Tribunal….Table…..5 PM- 8PM "_

"Why does is this ONE Sir Ridlington fellow given 3 hours? Surely he can eat a CAFE'S FOOD faster than that?" Robin questioned, clutching the reservations list. The pigeon explained calmly. "It takes 1 hour to get Sir Ridlington through the door without destroying the place." And then, Robin was hit with a brilliant idea. "If I can get this fellow in here sooner, with no damage to the Cafe, and out quickly, may I have some of his time?" The tactician asked. The stone-faced pigeon contemplated it for a long, long time. Then, with a slow nod, he complied. "If YOU can get Sir Ridlington in and out of here in less than 3 hours, I will pencil you in." He said. Robin cheered in triumph. She'd done it! "Though, there is one problem with your plan." He informed her. "Hmmm?" Robin whipped her head around to face him. "Sir Ridlington is a dragon."

It was simple. All she had to do was get a towering, enormous dragon through a human-sized door. No sweat. Right? She'd asked the pigeon, whose name she discovered was Brewster, just where she could find this Sir Ridlington.

He replied cooly, "The dumpster outside the Smash Mansion." And that was undoubtedly a lie. Still, she had no other leads, so she investigated it anyway. The dumpster was cool and grimy and frankly horrifying, but, she pulled it open and peered inside. There was a large purple lump, squirming pitifully.

"Uhm," Robin stammered, staring at the lump thing. "Sir Ridlington?" She called, and to her dismay, the lump shifted, untangled itself, to reveal a dragon-like head rearing up to look at her.

"Who disturbs my slumber?" The dragon boomed, his voice menacing and eerie. Robin was silent for a long time. "Uh, R-Robin." She managed after awhile. The dragon sized her up. "Robin? How dare a mere mortal whelp like yourself dare to even come close to my dumpster of incorrigible big-ness!" But, a voice called out from within the dumpster.

"Not just your dumpster, pal!" And when she peared in deeper, she could see, children. Children. Two little children clad in blue and pink respectively. And another once, quivering anxiously, with rather stylish blonde hair. In addition to the children, was a solemn looking man, puffing dutifully into his cigarette, and an anthropomorphic wolf….with an eyepatch. Robin was questioning her sanity when the dragon growled back at his interrupters. "Hush, fools!" She swallowed hard. "W-who ARE you guys?" She questioned, as they all greeted her with distant stares. " Hmph! Insolent little whelp, WE are the one who actually belong in this tournament." The dragon snarled, clicking its talons in irritation. More questions rose to her lips. What is life like in a dumpster? How long have you been in here? How has NO ONE noticed your existence? Isn't it crowded in there? WHY EVEN ARE YOU GUYS IN A DUMPSTER? She hadn't time to choose, for the dragon explained their motives plainly. "You see, girl, we have set up vigilant watch in this dumpster. We are waiting, you see, for Master Hand to emerge. We will promptly jump him, and demand to be on the roster. I mean, WE DESERVE TO BE ON THE ROSTER!" A staggering roar erupted from the dumpster as the dragon-creature concluded. "Wow." She breathed. They intended to jump Master Hand. Master Hand. The one who orchestrated this tournament. "Erhm, good luck with that, my friend. But, I'm looking for Sir Ridlington? Does he dwell here, or is he in the eastern-most dumpster?" She promptly navigated towards her task. The dragon rose to its full height, sticking out of the dumpster to unfurl its mighty wings. "I AM SIR RIDLINGTON!" It cried, before quickly adding. "Though, that's merely the name I use on official documents. YOU may refer to me as Ridley." Robin smiled tactfully. "Great! Now, I'd like to talk to you about your Cafe reservations." At her words, Ridley's menacing eyes adopted a confused look. "What about them?" He bellowed. She laughed forebodingly. "How opposed to you are PokeBalls?"

"Checkmate, Brewster." Robin said smugly, leaning back to admire her handiwork. She'd gotten a certain space pirate in-and-out of Brewster's cafe in a mere hour. She did not know much about the world of Pokemon, solely that it was radically different from her own world, and thus amazingly interesting. Though, she knew its inhabitants had taken to transporting creatures of immense power, and some of immense size, around in simple spheres called PokeBalls. She knew not what sorcery made them work,but only that they'd proved useful to her cause. "Now," Robin drew a tome from her cloak, and cradled it forebodingly. "I believe we had an agreement." Brewster sighed at this. He didn't want to admit it, but, she was right.

"You may have the table." He said, waving a wing fitfully. Robin immediately drew from her cloak, a classy, white tablecloth. It was trimmed in intricacies of all sorts, and she draped it over the wooden table. Then, she swiped a scented candle from the bar counter, and placed it atop the table. "A man who looks exactly like me will arrive here soon. When he does, turn all the lights off." She informed the pigeon. "Uhm, why?" He questioned. "To set the romantic mood!"

Robin left the Smash Mansion at 2:15, his OTP book clutched inconspicuously under his arm. A small town known as Smashville stood vigilant, locked beneath the rolling hills the mansion stood grandly upon. He set off towards it, mind abuzz with nervous excitement about his plan. Their plan. When he arrived in the bustling little town, he quickly saw female Robin, leaning against the Cafe's door like some sort of shady gang member.

"Robin!" He called. She looked up.

"Robin!" She mirrored. The male groaned. "Did you get things set up in there?" He interrogated, to which she simply nodded. "Wonderful." And, with an offbeat salute, the male wandered inside, while the female ducked inconspicuously behind the building, peering through its back window.

Brewster looked up. Oh dear, not another one. There stood a pale-haired man, nursing a frilly pink book in his arms.

"Evening. I've reserved this table for the evening. I believe I did so under the name Robin." The man said, and Brewster sighed.

"Just go." He groaned. "Thank you."

A good while later, a woman entered the cafe. She boasted a regal aura, and Brewster, through the dark lighting the lady tactician had demanded, good make out pointed ears and a kind face.

"Are you with thee 'Robin' party?" Brewster asked, to which she nodded eagerly. "Right this way, madam." And he deposited her at the one table, the candle glimmering suggestively. Zelda, though offput but he lighting, found Robin with an earnest smile and a notebook in hand. She took a seat at the table.

"Princess!" He chirruped. "I'm honored you could make it." She nodded respectfully, but her gaze was curious.

"Robin, why's it so dark in here?" She questioned, struggling to see the Menu's on the table. Robin, on the other hand, broke out in a cold sweat, that, fortunately, she could not quite catch. He had to think fast. "Helps me focus?" He tried, attempting to sound nonchalant. "Oh, alright then." Came her reply. Robin wiped the sweat from his brow. "The other Smashers should be arriving soon." He informed, smirking wildly in the dark. And sure enough, a few small,-talk-filled minuted later, they heard the sound of the door opening. This is it, Robin thought to himself. Brewster led Marth to the table, where he gratefully took a seat, offering a casual wave to Zelda as he did so.

"Thanks for stopping by, milord!" Robin cooed, while said prince blushed with a "My pleasure." Instantaneously, Robin sat up. "I-I must use the washroom!" He declared, the two eyeballing him awkwardly. "Excuse me for but a moment, my lord and lady." And he dashed away. As he hurried out of the Cafe, which apparently didn't have a bathroom, he called, "Keep each other company while I'm gone!" And Robin burst from the Cafe, cackling wildly. He'd done it! He ran to the back of the resteraunt, where female Robin was peering through a window.

Instead of congratulating him like she undoubtedly should have, her only greeting was a quivering imitation of his rather rushed, "I-I must use the washroom!" He fumed, and reluctantly settled down next to her to get a good look through the window, while she toppled over in a fit of riotous laughter.

"H-hush! They'll hear us!" He ordered, to which the female clasped a hand to her mouth, and pulled herself up. They peered through the window, and could just make out Zelda and Marth making awkward small talk about the weather that morning.

"How about that weather lately?"

"It's very good weather."

"Indeed it is."

"..."

"..."

The female Robin pressed her face closer to the window. "Yes, very nice, very nice. NOW, KISS!" She demanded, the male hurriedly shushing her. Luckily, the two hadn't heard, but someone else had.

Lucina'd been enjoying a relaxing evening in Smashville. She hadn't any scheduled fights that day, and she took the opportunity to mill about aimlessly, enjoy things while she could. She'd been considering grabbing a drink at the Cafe, when, erupting from behind it, she heard what could only be one thing. "Oh, Gods." The girl muttered, abandoning her relaxing afternoon, and charging towards the back of the Cafe. "What's Robin up to now?"

She found not just her tactician, but two of her tacticians. She'd heard that another Robin had been plucked from an alternate dimension to compete alongside the other in the tournament. Apparently they'd taking to hanging out with another. If hanging out qualified as peeping into a Cafe and screaming.

"Robin…...s!" She called as she caught sight of them. They both instantly turned their heads around.

"Lucina?" The two erupted simultaneously. "Wh-what are you doing here?" The male Robin interrogated, but Lucina simply countered with an, "I could very well ask you the same thing!" At this, they both began sweating profusely. "W-we're just enjoying a relaxing evening! Yes, that's it!" The female exclaimed, trying to sound casual. Lucina raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" She questioned, to which they both nodded. "And does this 'relaxing evening' involve forcing people into romantic relationships?" At her words, the Robins' poker faces shattered. The male nodded meekly. Lucina hadn't been surprised. "So, you've taken to pairing people in the Smash Mansion, now?" She asked with an incredulous glare. Another meek nod. Lucina found herself weirdly interested.

"Is this the truth? If so, who exactly are you…..pairing up?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. The female cackled evilly. "So, you're interested in our business….." She mused, to which Lucina snapped an indignant, "No!" The tactician raised an eyebrow. Lucina sighed. "Perhaps a little." She admitted, much to the Robins' delight. She'd always thought it weird, her tactician's romantic…..exploits. But, people always seemed to end up remarkably happy together. She wondered how they did it. "Hah! I knew it!" Female Robin boasted, turning briskly back to the window. "Now, if you must, take a look." She concluded with a smirk, scooching to the left a bit to make room for Lucina. She peered through the glass. And could barely make out Zelda at a table with…...THE HERO KING? "A-re you-" She began, stricken with cold shock, only to be interrupted by a pride-laced, "Mhmmm!" from the lady male rubbed the back of his neck aimlessly, "Cute, isn't it?" He mused. Lucina struggled to get a word out. She could hardly fathom what she saw. What these two had done.

"Robin….." She began, her voice struck with terror.

"Is something amiss?" The male asked immediately, quirking a concerned eyebrow. "The Hero King…." Her eyes flitted between the two at the table together.

"What about him?" The female Robin asked callously. Lucina swallowed dryly. She took a deep breath. Two. Three. "You do realize that he….." They both looked at her curiously. "...he….." The male asked her if she felt alright. With a dull nod, she snapped. "H-He gets MARRIED to PRINCESS CAEDA OF TALYS?" Lucina spouted, and at this the two Robins looked dully surprsied. "I hadn't known that." The male mused, and the female quickly chimed in with, "Neither did I." After a minute, they smiled madly. "I-I guess you could say we're….." Male Robin began, trusting his female self to pick up his joke where he left off. "Challenging fate here." She concluded, smirking. They chuckled at their own joke, the female nudging Lucina with an insistent, "Get it, get it?" Lucina slowly turned to face them, her jaw set in a grim line, and her eyes sparking dangerously. "And you do realize…...if you make him marry another…...MY FATHER AND I WILL CEASE TO EXIST?" At this outburst, the Robins' faces immediately contorted in horror. "WH-WH-WHAT?!" The male questioned hysterically. "If you make Prince Marth marry Princess Zelda…..then he won't marry Princess Caeda, like he's SUPPOSED to! Th-then, my father will never be born, and neither will I, and all of that could cause a paradox that WOULD COMPLETELY DESTROY THE WORLDS WE ALL COME FROM AS TIME REWRITES ITSELF!" Lucina cried, looking horrified.

The Robins' jaws dropped. "HOW DID WE NOT THINK OF THAT?!" The female asked, slapping herself repeatedly on the forehead. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO THOUGHT OF THIS PAIRING!" The male shouted, jabbing an accusing finger towards her. All of them had a fair chance of passing out. But, before that could happen, the female tactician called out, "Wait! Wh-what if they don't fall in love! It's not too late!" She rushed to the window, hoping to see the two engage in dreadful small talk once again. Sadly, this was not the case. There they sat, engaged in an intersive conversation, laughing and smiling together. Oh Gods. She felt the male Robin and Lucina peer over her shoulder, come across the same terrible sight it'd been her own misfortune to come across. "We've got to do SOMETHING!" The male Robin pressed, watching the two in terror. And they all sat, frozen in fear, minds stumbling to think of a plan. Until the female left loose a trumphant, "I've got an idea!" And reached within the folds of her cloak to reveal….a PokeBall. She tossed it on the ground, as fast as she could, and from it erupted a towering purple space dragon, Ridley. Lucina and the male gawked, while Female Robin wasted no time.

"Who disturbs m-" She cut him off promptly. "Ridley! Uhm…...err…..errrr…..MASTER HAND'S IN THERE! IN THAT CAFE!" At her words, Ridley roared tremondously. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" He questioned, alighting with a firm flap of his wings. "Y-yes, he is! Go destroy that Cafe if you want a spot in Smash Bros! But, uh, don't kill anyone! Or you'll have it revoked! Yeah! Go!" She shouted, ushering Ridley inside. His golden eyes shown with passion. And he swooped upon the cafe, decimating its front door as he entered. Much clamor could be heard as Rildey destroyed the Cafe, its terrified occupants all fleeing and scattering aimlessly about the streets of Smashville. Zelda and Marth had been seperated in the chaos, and, though they both escaped, it was not together. Lucina and the two tacticians sighed in relief, watching Ridley tear apart the once quaint little Cafe. They stood frozen, stunned by what had almost happened, and, long after Ridley had flown off, they stood there. Robin blinked thusly. "Remember when that Cafe was still there?" He asked. The two girls nodded.

The three, after ensuring Ridley had not killed anyone, all fled back to the Smash Mansion. They said nothing, the shock overwhelmed them so. Robin and Robin had almost caused a temporal paradox. And it was only the second day they'd even known each other. When they scaled the hills, and parted the double doors, they practically tumbled inside.

"I hope you two realize….." Lucina breathed, grasping a wall for support. "What almost happened there." The two tacticians slowly nodded.

"Woah. Never once have I thought two people dating could destroy worlds." Male Robin mused, panting heavily from the hysteria and exhaustion.

Female Robin had been nodding in agreement, until she burst forth with a revelation. "Wait a minute! Who's to say they won't continue this another day? At an undamaged eating faculty?" She asked aloud, to which the two gaped. "We must ensure that never happens. Ever." The male said grimly, to which the female piped up. "Let's destroy every restaurant in Smashville!" She plotted, to which the male gawked at her. "What? N-no! Let's just turn them against each other. We need to find Marth." And with that, he set off, Lucina and Female Robin trailing behind him.

They found him sitting in the living room couch, with a duly-amused looking Ike.

"And then…..the thing just SWOOPED into the restaurant!" It seemed Marth was in the middle of recounting the thrilling events of his evening to the mercenary. He gestured frantically as he spoke, an edge of awe still ringing in his voice. Ike snorted.

"Yes, because ravenous purple monsters always swoop into unassuming Cafes. Completely normal, that." He replied sarcastically, much to Marth's dismay. "Ike, I'm not lying!" Robin felt this was a good time to interject.

"He sure isn't!" The male tactician said, stepping in intrusively. Marth, however looked relieved. "Oh, Robin! Thank Gods you missed it! While you were gone, a DRAGON destroyed the place!" He stressed, and Robin nodded. "Yes, I saw it on my way back from the…..washroom. Horrifying." He agreed, with a small shiver. "Fortunately, we're all safe." The prince mused, relieved, as Ike gawked at the two of them as if they'd grown second heads. "I was very concerned about you two. I checked in with Zelda when I got back, to make sure she was alright." Robin asked, to which the prince quirked his head up, a light blush dusting his cheeks. "Erm, did you now?" He said fitfully. Robin nodded. "Yes, I did. And, she is perfectly fine, but…." Lucina and Female Robin watched from the doorway as the male tactician paused, mid-sentence. "But?" Marth questioned, looking concerned. Robin looked around nervously, "I really shouldn't tell you…." He said, shifting awkwardly. "N-no! By all means, tell me!" The prince egged him on, and to this Robin put his hands up as if in defence. "Alright, but, don't say I didn't warn you. Zelda, she….." The tactician began, Marth leaning in ever closer. "...she thinks your long hair makes you look like a woman." At his words, the prince instantly went red. "She-?" He sputtered in shock, before managing to continue. "She really thinks I….?" Robin interrupted with a grim nod. Marth sighed. "Well…..I believe it will be a few months before I'm ready to face her again….." He muttered, resting his chin in his hands. "Yes, terribly sorry. Y-you deserve better. Any princess worth her salt should be able to tell a man from a woman. And ride a pegasus. Yes, those are desirable qualities in a wife. Anyway, I'm off to…...investigate this dragon incident." Robin quipped, before dashing away at lightning speeds. He left a downtrodden Marth and thoroughly confused Ike. "This day has been so weird." The mercenary drawled, draping a hand across his friend's back, as he muttered something about long hair being manly.

The three wasted no time in tracking down Zelda. She'd been recounting the events of HER day to Peach and Samus.

"Purple dragon?" Robin heard Samus question as he walked in, to which the princess of Hyrule nodded. Samus cursed under her breath. "Ridley….." She muttered, marching off to get her Varia Suit.

Robin rushed to Zelda. "Zelda! Thank Gods, you're alright!" He said, to which the princess replied. "Robin! I take it you saw the dragon?" Robin nodded simply. "It was horrifying. I was so dreadfully worried about you and Marth." He continued. Zelda perked up. "Marth? Is he well?" She interrogated, cheeks pinkening faintly. "Oh, just fine, actually. But, he…" As he cut off, Zelda took a tentative step closer to him. "Go on." She pressed. "I really shouldn-" He was promptly cut off. "Go. On." Zelda said, deadly serious. "As you wish. The truth is, when I checked in on Marth earlier, he said….." Zelda's eyes demanded explanation. "He said you looked better as a blonde." At Robin's words, Zelda left loose an indignant huff, visibly struggling to remain a regal atmosphere. "Oh, did he?" She growled, clenching a fist in anger. Robin nodded eagerly. "Well, you can go ahead and tell him we'll never be speaking again." The princess said simply, and to this Robin, though offfset by how offended she got, was still grateful. "Of course, princess. Any man worth his salt should know you are gorgeous as either a blonde or a brunnette. Now, if you'd excuse me, I have to go do something tacticiany right now. Bye. "And at this, Robin left, a crisis averted.

As he ran off, Peach piped up perkily. "I actually think you looked better as a blonde, too!" Zelda's eyes glinted menacingly. "Peach….."

Robin, Lucina, and Female Robin collapsed in a stunned heap, draped over a coffee table in the lounge room. They caught their breath.

"You two….almost destroyed our world." She huffed, though, it seemed so weird now, and she couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"We almost destroyed worlds," The male sputtered in disbelief.

"Over a pairing." The female broke out laughing.

The two took out their pink OTP books, and erased the circles around Marth and Zelda's names. Lucina eyes the books curiously. "You're attempting to get everyone here married?" She asked, to which the Robins proudly nodded. The male laughed breezily. "And, hopefully, we'll manage to do so without destroying worlds." He said, and, though he expected Lucina to scold them both, she merely laughed as well. "You'd better." She promptly rose from her seat. "You're pairing off inter-dimensional heroes. It seems weird…..but…..I think you could make people really happy here. Please, be careful, though." The girl told them, smiling warmly. Robin and Robin nodded, and at that, she departed for her room, though she quickly added. "And, don't you ever mock the Hero King's hair again! I-It's gorgeous!" And then she was off. "Of course SHE'D say that." The female mused with a chuckle. Robin nodded. "This sure was a weird day." He said. They were then quiet for awhile. A long, calm while.

That was interrupted by his female self prodding his arm, and with the cheekiest of smirks, asking, "So, who's up next?"

** AN: This chapter turned out really differently than I intended it to, but I actually think that's for the best. As for reviews...**

**Super Sexy Saiyan- Thanks a lot! :D **

**Naynay101- Whatever it is they ship, it has a fair chance of ending in chaos.**

**Panda-chan1358- That's actually how I came up with the idea for this story. I saw you could choose either Male Robin, Female Robin, or both, and it made me wonder what'd happen if they met.**

**Twilight Joltik- *slow clap* You called it! **

**Dapper Dee VI- That WOULD get pretty awkward. Btw, I'm loving that classy top hat.**

**Pony- It would be pretty funny if Robin tried to pair his female self up with somebody. It'd have to come later in the story, though, so I'll think on it.**

**Guest (1) - Thanks for the review! I'll see if I can implement some of these :D**

**Guest (2)- Well then, indeed.**

**Natsu d uzumaki- Glad you liked it. I actually ended up pairing some characters just because I got them on the same level. As for pairings, I'll see what I come with, and what people request. Even though I like a lot of obvious ships, it's pretty fun and interesting to write weirder ones and see what comes of it.**

**That's all, folks! I hope you enjoyed the program, and I'd be honored if you left a review if you did. *suggestive wink* If there's any pairings you'd like to see, feel free to make a request. Robin and Robin might just agree with you.**


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